Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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