Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
