am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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