the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
