He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
