You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
