STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
