I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
