you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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