I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize