How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
