She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
