Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
