I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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