can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize