The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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