I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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