I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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