she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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