and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My cat gives me a boner
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
