I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
