he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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