his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
