I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
