so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
