Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
