wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
