do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
