You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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