when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
