I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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