What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
