sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
