we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
