I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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