he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
