I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
