What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
