I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
