my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
