HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
