Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
