hotel room ftw
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
