Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
