I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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