a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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