I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
