Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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