i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
