my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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