You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
