You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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