So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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