We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
