The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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