Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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