In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
