omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
