i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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