I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
