dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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