I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
