yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
