Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
