And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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