so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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