you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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