I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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