In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
