Got a toothbrush?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
