Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
