She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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