I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
