I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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