U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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