Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
