I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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