I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
