All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
