She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
