So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
