I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
