Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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