i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
