My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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